Smiling through the Pain.

I have no idea what Job went through or how he kept his faith through it all, I know that what is wrong with my shoulder will not kill me, I also know that everyday millions go through way worse experiences than this. But I am still human, I cry when I am sad, get mad at the fact that I can't do things, get discourage and have a hard time being positive about the outcome.
I am trying to look for the positive in this and to see what God has for me through this. I sometimes feel like I have to smile and say I am doing great when really I feel awful, the pain is so bad that I want the throw up and I only have enough energy to be out and about for maybe a hour at a time.
It is interesting to me how everyone will ask how I am doing but when I start to tell them how I really feel they don't want the truth. They want the I am ok and smile answer.
So here is the truth of how I feel if you really want to know. I am terrified that this is not going to work either, not for any other reason than last year should have worked and it didn't. I am in significant pain most of the time, and I am so tired from not sleeping that I can't think straight. I am afraid that I will never be myself and I am not sure how to move forward. I know and understand that all of these feelings are just mine and only I can move on but I thought I would share how I am really feeling.